“Taliban Wizards of the Saddle”

When a Confederate killed a Union soldier,
The act was always brave.
But if the Taliban killed an American
It was a cowardly sort of raid.
When a Confederate builds a statue,
It’s patriotic heritage.
But if the Taliban bombs a statue,
It’s some feudal religious rage.

Did “romance, patriotism
and love of adventure”
Inspire Confederate cavalry?
Perhaps. Seems more probable
Their horses were fed by slavery.
(Obviously) doing what Confederates did
(While turban-clad, after masjid)
Is not doing the same thing: it’s pure villainy.

Did Forrest Gump lap Nathan Bedford
On his way to Vietnam?
Like diarrhea,
A thousand tomes regale such wizards in print,
But none for the Taliban.

© 2023, Tom Tordillo. All rights reserved.

Photo by Sander Sammy on Unsplash. This poem and story have nothing whatsoever to do with 'wizards'. But it's still a cool picture.

Project Gutenberg published two interesting books this week —

1. Two Colored Women with the American Expeditionary Forces by Hunton and Johnson, and
2. Confederate wizards of the saddle by Bennett H. Young

Black History month is over, Women’s History Month begun, and Two Colored Women ought to be read for insight into the minds of some pretty brave women who did their best for America during World War 1.

I haven’t finished it, because frankly, I find it a bit dull. Some people prefer history and will read it for that purpose; I often prefer fantasy novels though.

This volume is written at a time when, after the shock of terrific warfare, the world has not yet found its balance — when, in the midst of confusion, justice and truth call loudly for the democracy for which we have paid.

Two Colored Women and the American Expeditionary Forces, Foreword

OK, so there is one fantasy element in Two Colored Women. America did not actually strike a balance for which “we have paid” in 1920, when it was published. Look to the Knoxville, Tennessee Riot of 1919 (and the rest of the “Red Summer”). Look to Greenwood/Tulsa, Oklahoma Massacre of 1921. Rosewood, Florida massacre of 1923.

Tennessee, OklahomaFlorida.hmmm...why did so many of the most violent states towards Black Americans enact laws that banned teaching ‘evolution’ in public schools? I hear they’re protecting young students from drag queens and wokeness now. Strange priorities.

It’s probably a coincidence, but lost cause ‘fantasy' books like Young’s “Confederate Wizards” probably sold better in those states that banned Darwin than books like Hunton & Johnson’s in 1923.

For this poem, I replaced the word “Confederate” with “Taliban.” Such a replacement can arouse odd emotional dissonance, since obviously the two are not equivalent in any historical sense.

The Confederacy killed 600,000 to 850,000 Americans (about 360,000 Northerners and 260,000 Southerners). The Taliban killed perhaps 3000. Obviously, the Taliban was a much greater threat.

Confederate soldiers prayed the way a chaplain led them. The Taliban followed an imam and prayed toward Mecca. They even prayed in different languages — one using Arabic terms, the other speaking English the same way Jesus did back when he was a slave owner who led cavalry charges against the Romans.

Confederate soldiers wore gray. The Taliban preferred black.

These and other important distinctions explain why Americans built thousands of monuments to the Confederacy but none at all for the Taliban. Comparing the two is insulting.

Ask a million Americans in 2023 who “Forrest” was, and most will think of “Forrest Gump” instead of Nathan B. Forrest, the ‘Confederate wizard of the saddle.’

As it should be. “Forrest Gump,” portrayed by Tom Hanks, offers wit, wisdom, lovable loyalty, and inadvertent heroism. Perhaps he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he knew how to figure out what’s inside a box of chocolates.

Nathan Bedford, by contrast, killed Americans. On horseback. History does not record him as having consumed a box of chocolates.

Granted one figure is fictional while the other is historical. In the real world, fictional people may kill more than historical people.

Though if you were to ask the “Two Colored Women” of the other book, they tell stories about trying to keep real Americans alive in the face of war. I’ll bet there aren’t as many monuments erected for them.

This is not a Civil War era photograph of Forrest Gump. This dude was called a “wizard of the saddle” by some guy who thought it was extremely ‘brave’ to go around killing Americans if you rode a horse. You probably ought to skip a book or three written to memorialize him, and instead read Two Colored Women with the American Expeditionary Forces by Hunton and Johnson.